Vice Presidents Anonymous is a support group for recovering VPs, much like Alcoholics Anonymous is for alcoholics. But instead of sharing stories about struggles with alcohol, we share stories about struggles with greed, sleaze, aggression, delusion, paralysis and imbecility .
HERE, WE PROUDLY PRESENT ONE OF THE MOST ASTONISHING LITERARY ACHIEVEMENTS OF THE 21ST CENTURY: THE CORPORATE TRANSLATION OF HOMER'S TRAGIC MARITIME WAR EPIC, "THE WRECK OF THE FOUNTAINHEAD."
"Up and down Wall Streak / The bears smell mud in the fodder / "Sell your SHORTS!" / Overnight the company sock falls off the hedge..."
"The Chief Extravagant Officer / Announces higher quarterly yearnings / Ahead of higher quarterly expectations."
"Straight up with a twist--on the rocks with a splash--shaken not stirred-- / Skidding to a halt at the bottom."
Off The Deep End
"High above earth's orbit, the awakening Feds respond... / "We'll burn that bridge when we get to it."
Off The Deep End
First translated from the original Greek by Alfred, Lord Fenestrate in 1869, the transcendental wisdom of "The Wreck" has lain smothered for generations in the dusty bookbins of Academe. This new translation sets it free--and brings the WISDOM OF THE AGES directly into the Board Room. The sublime eternal tragedy of the "Wreck," as well as the business lessons learned, are presented here for the very first time in dazzling and poetic Wall Street English. Penned over a period of 15 years by F. M. Starbuck IV--a descendant of the lone survivor of "The Wreck"--this new translation also comes fully illustrated, and with a concordance that explains the source and meaning of each transcendent existential insight into the algorithmic trend lines of death, business, lay-offs, quarterly earnings and the other great gnostic mysteries.
"Pressed through proper flannels, / The Human Remorse Department announces a team-less transition. / It's back to the fault lines."
"High atop the glimmering tower / The Legal Team mounts a defense: / "The allegories are without poof!" / "A criminal conspiracy to rip off our smock!" / "Short smellers driven by weed."