December 24th, 2019
10 Things Everyone Should Give Their Mistress for Christmas
You met her at the C terminal bar in LAX. Now you love her, and she’s one of the few embodiments of the life you wished you led. You’re living in a George Clooney movie, so be a George Clooney: read this list and get her the things every woman dreams of...See More
December 9th, 2019
Local Man Fails to Read Fine Print, Sold to Highest Bidder
Madison, WI—Only a few months ago Jay Fairfield, 29, had just begun to get his life together. He’d finally found a steady job with good health insurance, he’d figured out a financial plan to pay off his monumental student loans, and he’d recently learned about the birth of his nephew. “I was feeling like life was about to get rolling.” Fairfield bought a $500 plane ticket through American Airlines to see his newborn nephew in Rhode Island. Shortly after purchasing his ticket, Fairfield’s nephew fell ill, and he had to reschedule the trip for later in the year. That’s when it all began...See More
St. Petersburg, FL—Local genius Ed Tiller has spent his life devoted to mathematics. Harvard undergrad, Yale grad, Oxford grad grad, Tiller has addressed some of the most difficult conundrums of his field. Following the 2016 election, he began a new project: to scientifically prove that no one in America gives a shit...See More
January 19th, 2020
Genius Figures it Out: No One Cares Anymore. Not A Single Person. Nada.
VPA was created by corporate vice presidents in New York for their amusement. Also for their survival. After 30 years, it now is open to people with similar experience. Participation is free. Participation is anonymous.
January 12th, 2020
Area Dropout Ready for the Next Big Breakdown
Somerville, MA—Returning from yet another failed interview, local dropout Tom Dunne now feels prepared to take on his next nervous breakdown. “You know, I’ve been working toward this for a long time, and I’ve never felt better about my prospects of sobbing in public at a moment’s notice.”
When he dropped out after his sophomore year at an elite liberal arts school in Pennsylvania, Dunne enthusiastically told his peers about his plans to achieve spiritual enlightenment. Now, having been handed a formal eviction notice from his parents, he’s not so sure. “I really thought I’d have some kind of answer at this point, you know? Maybe this next crisis will be the kick in the butt I need? Authenticity and true desire don’t come easy. Nietzsche once said you have to 'win' your self-discovery.” Upon being informed that quote was actually from Jean-Paul Sartre, Dunne evaporated.